Thank you so very much.

As I stand here, flush with victory, on the rim of a bright new future, I feel it is important to acknowledge those that helped me get here today.

First, to my wife Piddles, whose strong, unwavering support made it possible for me to compete in what has been a long and often messy campaign.  We were able to squeeze out this victory because eight months earlier, as I was still considering entering this race, Piddles said to me, “Go. But if you do, don’t hold anything back.”

I also want to thank my dedicated campaign staff—I.P. Freely, B.M. Brown, Tinkles, McGully and, of course, my campaign manager, Stinkworth Fartpants. I am sure that they are all feeling a great deal of relief tonight.

Mostly I want to thank you, the people of Poop-N-Pee and to assure you tonight that your needs are my number one AND my number two priority.

Your Mayor, @dickchiclets